An A-Z

One would be excused to believe that nothing is going on in politics over the past ten days apart from the voyeurs posing as democracy advocates picking their way through the private lives of MPs. Dauershard presents an A to Z of more pressing issues, while trying to ignore Aga and Zanussi:

A is for Afghanistan: General Sir Richard Dannatt, head of the British Army, spoke at the think tank Chatham House today, and that said the UK’s military reputation and special relationship with America has suffered from Iraq. Furthermore, he indicated that economic downturn will be used as an excuse to further squeeze defence budgets amid misallocation of resources on the Eurofighter Typhoon and MOD ineptitude. The UK is in a bloody, bitter and violent war in Afghanistan that it can scarcely afford. Dannatt said:

“The threat posed by al Qaeda-inspired Islamist extremism operating from within failed and failing states is pervasive, global and potentially deadly. So this is probably the struggle of our generation, perhaps our 30 years war, and not one that we want to fight on our own soil.” It doesn’t get much clearer than that.

B is for Brown: The walls continue to crumble around Fortress Brown. The cracks in his leadership are becoming increasingly difficult to plaster over. The PM needs to guide the sinking Labour ship with direction on leadership and policy, and stop playing catch up with the opposition.

C is for Cameron: There is a line in The Shawshank Redemption said by the narrator, Red: “He’s the only man I know who crawled through half a mile of shit and came out clean the other side.” The Tory leader has dealt with the current scandal smoothly, and with matronly efficiency. He kindly sent Dauershard an email this morning telling the party faithful that all the Shadow Cabinet claims have been published. Catch up Gordon.

D is for Downturn: There’s a recession on, don’t you know? Embarrassing growth forecasts, paltry micro-incentives for new cars, and the banks still not lending money, despite profits being generated – more action needed.

E is for European elections: it is nearly voting time. Thanks to The Telegraph, proportional representation, and the low standard of voter education, UKIP and (possibly) the other unsightly types are in for a sizeable harvest of MEPs. (Although it seems strange that UKIP are so desperate to get out of Europe by representing Britain in Europe: “Our policy is that we don’t want to be here?”)

F is for Freedom of information: a deeply misunderstood concept. Did you know Heather Brooke is an anagram of “Berate + hook her”?

G is for Gurkhas: the nation waits…

H is for Hope, Phil. The Care and Services Minister, clearly quite a nice chap, but surely an unpopular character in Westminster after getting out the cheque book for a bumper £42,000 pay-back.

I is for ID cards: Overpriced, effectiveness uncertain, civil liberty implications dire, unnecessary. See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCwW_1rswyo for comic representation.

J is for John Graham: Another string ‘em up type whose letter to the Met Police Dauershard had the misfortune of reading today: http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/may/15/john-graham-mps-expenses-letter

K is for Khan, Sadiq: The Communities Minister is one of the more earnest and hard working members of the Labour Party. A critic of Blair, local government proponent and one of the few who talks sense about housing policy. Efficient too: additional costs allowance used? £0, total costs ranking 485th out of 645.

L is for Local elections: As local government gets more and more to do, Tories do it better – simple: “Of the 46 Conservative-controlled councils, 81 per cent are improving either “strongly” or “well”, as opposed to 71 per cent of Labour councils. Not one of the Liberal Democrats’ 14 councils is “improving strongly”, with 8 “improving well”, 5 “improving adequately” and 1 subject to review.” (Times, Thursday, from Audit Commission stats).

M is for Michael Martin MP: The police were on their way to Parliament, the Speaker didn’t get his way - even Sandy Toksvig made some mean (although comic) comments. He has done a solid job for nine years and calls for his resignation are hopelessly reactionary. Carswell, with his paltry 980 majority, ought to think about winning over his constituents rather than wasting time further shaking up the of the Commons. Mr Martin’s total expenses, incidentally, are 642nd out of 645 vs Carswell’s 209th (with maximum additional cost used).

N is for Nick ‘I’ve always said’ Clegg: A lot of fringe parties will be making substantial gains from the mainstream fallout on 4th June, but lets hope the Lib Dems are not one of them (see above). Nick Clegg has carved a smart niche in the past 12 months, but his style leers between shallow and transparent. On Monday it was announced that since 2007, classes with over 30 pupils have doubled. The Lib Dems would like to see classes at 15. Mad.

O is for Oliver Letwin: He had a plumbing bill, which happened to be under a tennis court. The inevitability of the follow up stories was depressing.

P is for Post Offices: The Post Office branch of Royal Mail announced a £40m profit, despite closing 1,500 outlets. Argument for need to close loss making rural Post Offices undermined.

Q is for Quangos: One of the most ludicrous claims by the Brown government is that increased funding can be financed by efficiency cuts. What ever was inefficient, should not have been so in the first place. £1 billion is spent on consultants from the private sector every year. NHS quangos alone absorb £2.5 billion – giving ‘costing an arm and a leg’ a new meaning.

R is for Referendum: are we getting one?

S is for Sieg Heil: This video is pretty old, but deserves many more views - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbgwR1pA1k0

T is for Tamiflu: All has gone quiet on the pig flu front (and who can deny a slight sense of disappointment).

U is for UKIP: The one policy party have the most entertaining piece of election material for next month’s elections – their paphlet contains the infamous picture of Winston Churchill making the V for Victory sign. Perhaps not as good as Nasty Nick Griffin’s party which (genuinely) features an airbourne Spitfire. What is this war obsession?

V is for Vince Cable: Oracle of disaster and a true wit. Few could come up with a line so cutting and amusing, when he accused Brown in PMQs of a "remarkable transformation in the last few weeks from Stalin to Mr Bean, creating chaos out of order rather than order out of chaos."

W is for Woolas, Phil: One of Labour’s least likeable poodle ministers. See (G).

X is for Xenophobia: No need for much discussion, but Simon Darby who is the BNP’s deputy leader suggested a couple of weeks ago that Ugandans still fight with spears…

Y is for YouTube: The best place to see all the party election broadcasts. Reading the comments under any politics related video is a true joy, and clearly shows the price of democracy.

Z is for ZZZZzzzz: (Read in Channel 4’s Geordie announcer voice) “Day 10 in the expenses investigation…”